My name is Alison G

A few weeks ago i went to my first Al Anon meeting. I was not sure what to expect and had put it off for a while. I guess i had a fear that it was either a bunch of depressed people sitting around thinking "why me", or worse "poor me".... OR a bunch of people who were way worse off than me who would think, "you are in the wrong place". I was pleasantly surprised to see i was wrong on both guesses. The only meeting i can regularly attend without making major adjustments to an already crazy childcare schedule happens to be on Tuesday mornings at 10 am. I am not sure if it immediately jumps out at you, but if you have ever gone anywhere at 10am on a Tuesday morning, the majority of the people out at that hour are either moms with little kids OR elderly people. Let's just say the median age of the group i dropped in on was probably about 60-65. BUT, that aside, the group was extremely welcoming and ...sweet. There were about thirty women there. They have all been working the program for quite a while and i was the only new comer that week so i definitely stuck out. It didnt matter though, they were "gentle" and let me observe. They gave me a cup of coffee, a few pamphlets, several hugs and something i did not expect: HOPE. I know it sounds 'cheesey' to say that, but it is true. After just one meeting, a big burden had been lifted off of me. These ladies -old or not- GOT IT. They have been there done that..and moved on.

On that first day, one of the Welcome Wagon ladies handed me a little packet with a few pamplet type books inside. I have read them several times since (as the messages can be read over and over with new meaning found each time). This morning, as i was showering (my really only quiet time during any given day...) I had a mini revalation. One of the biggest steps to work on is letting your higher power guide you...and trusting in it. It's funny. Because as i was thinking that thought, i flashed to a visit we had last year to 6 Glags. I was on a ride with my three yr old son. It was a little jeep that rode alone one of those steel guide-tracks. You can "steer" but really cant go off track as the guide will keep you from going more than a few inches either side.
My son, M, was in the drivers seat. And as most three yr olds will do, he was way over steering. The car of course, was banging side to side. THe more he would try to control it, the more out of control/bumpy it would get and the more frustrated he would get. I told him if he sat back a little and just let the car drive itself, then it would be easier. He did and he instantly smiled--relaxed and enjoyed the ride.
I had the thought today that, maybe, that is what i have been doing in my life. Trying to drive and steer and be in control, over and over getting myself all worked up when all along all i had to do was sit back and let this higher power take control. It was the same way my son was trying to steer over and over and over still getting the same result b/c there was absolutely NO WAY he was ever going to control that vehicle no more than i was ever going to be able to control the "wild ride" i was on.
I am not sure any of that makes sense. But for a few mins in the shower, it sure did. It made me realise that this "higher power" has me on the track i am supposed to be on .....maybe someday-SOON- i can learn to sit back and enjoy the ride!